


Free

by Soralith



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Broken Families, Character Death, Child Neglect, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Hurt Sugawara Koushi, I love Suga I swear, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mental Anguish, Parental Takeda, Please don't read this if you are in a good mood, Protective Sawamura Daichi, Sad, Sad Ending, Slightly OOC Daichi, Storyline splits into two, Sugawara Koushi-centric, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Team Parents Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Two Endings, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24178093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soralith/pseuds/Soralith
Summary: Sugawara Koushi knew from the beginning that he was an unwanted child. Due to his parents’ abusive tendencies and negligence, along with his own feelings of worthlessness, Suga seeks freedom in the only way he knows how.(Author's personal recommendation is to read while listening to "Hold On" by Chord Overstreet)
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 18
Kudos: 222





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: See, funny thing. This started out as a shorter, 3000 word dump of some of my angsty thoughts, and then it turned into this monster of a story. 
> 
> Uh.... enjoy? I hope you didn't come here to be happy.

“Get out! You useless, wretched child! You’re not worthy of being called my son anymore!” Suga flinched as the door slammed in front of him, tears pricking the back of his eyes as he stared up at the closed door. He heard the locks click, and knew he was officially kicked out of his home. Not that it ever really had been a home. 

After wiping his tears away, Suga shakily stood, testing his ankle, which had rolled when he’d been desperately trying to flee his enraged father. A tiny hiss left his mouth as he put weight on it. It wasn’t bad though- a sprain, probably. He’d had worse, Suga thought, as he experimentally moved it in circles. It wouldn’t matter soon enough anyway though. 

Suga dug around in his jacket pocket, trying to assess his current situation. He didn’t find much, as he’d had to flee rather quickly, grabbing whatever he could off of his desk: his phone, wallet, and a crumpled note that reminded him to return Daichi’s notebook to him. He pulled a face at the little he’d managed to grab, though he was glad to see that he had his wallet on him. When he opened his wallet, he was relieved to see the cash he’d been saving up was still in there. His phone only had about 30% battery left, but Suga found that he didn’t particularly care. Nobody would bother to come looking for him anyway. He knew what he had to do. He’d been planning this for weeks now, and this just gave him the perfect reason to execute his plan.

Suga walked down the street, pulling up his hood as he walked, to keep unwanted attention away from himself. It wasn’t very late after all, just past 7 pm. There would still be people around in the main streets, and if he wasn’t careful, he might run into people he knew.

With this thought in mind, Suga headed away from the direction of the school. Coach Ukai’s shop was in that direction, and he really couldn’t risk being caught by an adult. As Suga walked, he made sure to keep his head low, avoiding eye contact and sticking to the shadows. He found himself glad for having chosen to wear a dark grey hoodie today, as opposed to a brighter color. He knew that for his plan to succeed, he had to draw as little attention as he could to himself. 

Finding himself in front of his first stop, Suga took a deep breath before he walked into the small store. It was a pharmacy a few blocks from his house that he had frequented. The owners were a friendly old couple, who always smiled at Suga and asked him how volleyball was going. When Suga entered, he saw that the old man was at the register that day. For that, Suga was thankful, as he was less chatty than his wife, and wasn’t one to pry. 

Pulling his hood down, Suga plastered a smile onto his face and bowed at the old man, greeting him politely. The old man smiled at him, and Suga went into the shelves, quickly finding what he was looking for. He plucked up the medium sized bottle of painkillers, along with a basic face mask, and walked back out to the register. 

“Just these today?” Suga nodded, smiling politely. 

“We’ve just run out at home, so I’m picking these up just in case. And masks are always useful.” The old man smiled at him, and accepted the coins Suga handed him.

“Such a good son you are, Koushi-kun. Alright, you’re all set. Thank you for coming, young man. Take care of yourself.” Suga smiled and bowed again, before waving goodbye as he walked out of the store, the bottle and mask tucked securely into his pocket. The irony of the old man’s words weren’t lost on Suga. He would definitely be “taking care of himself”. 

Instead of heading home, Suga walked along the street, pulling his hood back up and again keeping to himself. He visited three other stores, each further away from his home than the last, managing to purchase two bottles of painkillers at each, as the store owners there didn’t know him. He made sure to include a few other basic medications, such as stomach soothers and fever reducers, in his purchases, along with wearing the face mask and coughing when checking out, to avoid any suspicion. His plan worked, and all Suga received during the interactions were a few sympathetic glances and mentions to “get well soon”. By this point, Suga’s wallet was nearly depleted, and his pockets were full from all of the bottles. (Suga sure was glad he was wearing his big hoodie, with its extra large pocket and his sweatpants that had pockets as well.) He made one last stop to a convenience store for two water bottles, which would be essential to his plans. Holding the two bottles in his hands, Suga counted out what little was left in his wallet. 

“350 yen, huh? Maybe I’ll have something to eat before I go.” Suga turned and walked down another street, where cafes and restaurants covered both sides of the road. By this time, it was 7:30, and was starting to reach the end of dinner. Suga peered in at a few shops, before stopping in front of a bakery that was wafting tantalizing smells from its open door. He immediately went in and found himself in front of the meat bun display. A tiny pang of sadness coursed through him as he gazed down at the buns, but Suga firmly pushed it away. He grabbed two, and paid for them at the register with the last of his money. 

Now holding meat buns in one hand and water bottles in the other, Suga made his way to a small park, where a few children still played. Sitting down on a bench, Suga set the water bottles down next to him and unwrapped one of the meat buns. Its rich scent filled his nose and Suga took a bite, savoring the delicious flavors. It wasn’t as good as the ones Coach brought them, in his opinion. But it was still tasty. 

Speaking of Coach, he hoped that when everyone found out, they wouldn’t be too disappointed in him. He knew he wasn’t the best senpai to his kouhai, but he hoped he’d done enough in the short time he’d known everyone. He knew how cowardly he was acting by choosing the easy way out, but Suga was just too tired, too ashamed of himself to bring himself to care. 

Suga sat in silence as he ate, watching a few children run around on the small playground as the sunset painted the sky in gorgeous shades. He wished he could be as content as them, playing without a care in the world. Though, he supposed, it just wasn’t meant to be. As the last of the sun disappeared and the sky grew dark, the children left, leaving Suga alone. He checked his phone. 7:56. Almost time. 

Suga stood and stretched his legs. He had a bit of a walk before he reached where he would finally be free. He may as well start now, Suga figured, pulling up his hood. Throwing the wrappers in a nearby trash can, Suga walked out of the park, carrying a bottle of water in each hand. 

As he walked, he could hear the final shouts of children saying goodbye to friends and soon, the world became quiet. Suga walked in silence, listening to the gentle summer breeze blow through the trees and the occasional passing of a car. He would miss these sounds, the sounds of a peaceful world.

The streets weren’t empty as it was a Friday evening, and Suga had to make sure he was unremarkable and unnoticeable. It took over half an hour, but Suga soon found himself breathing in the fresh ocean breeze as he gazed out into the ever moving waves of the ocean. It was peaceful. So peaceful. Exactly what Suga needed this evening.

He made his way down to the shore, using the stairs that went down directly to the sand. Once there, he slipped off his sneakers and socks, and quietly slipped them into the trash can at the foot of the stairs- he wouldn’t need them anymore. 

With the soft sand squishing between his toes, Suga made his way down the beach, just enjoying the breeze and sound of the waves as they crashed on the shore. Once he was a decent way from the stairs, Suga settled himself down on the sand, taking off his hoodie to sit down on it. He carefully emptied all of his pockets and lined up the bottles in front of him- he hoped he had enough water. 

The sound of a tone had Suga reach for his phone. There wasn’t much battery left- just 15%. The alert had been from a text, Asahi, he realized. He clicked it open, and a tiny smile appeared on his face when he saw the message he’d written.

“Hey. I’ve been thinking of hand signals for the first years. We should have some for them, so we can communicate during games. Especially since Kageyama is new. We can try them out during our training camp next week.” They should. Kageyama could certainly lead the team to victory, with his near perfect setting. Suga texted back.

“Yeah, sounds like a plan. I’ll let you know if I come up with anything.” He hoped they would figure it out. Tsukishima seemed smart, so perhaps he would be able to help Asahi and Daichi with the signals. Suga’s phone bleeped again, and he saw Asahi had texted him back.

“Thanks, Suga. Take care of yourself, yeah? Let me know if you need anything.” Suga replied lightly, making sure to keep the text clear of any hints of his plan

“Yeah, thanks. You too. :)” Suga turned off his phone and gazed back out at the ocean. It would be over soon. He’d be free. As free as the millions of stars that hung in the sky above him, though he could only see a few due to the bright city lights. 

With time to spare, Suga found himself drifting into his thoughts, thinking back to the reason he was here in the first place. 

He knew that he wasn’t a child that was wanted by either parent- he was just someone who would carry on the Sugawara name. Suga knew that his parents had aborted their previous pregnancy, once finding out that the baby would have been a girl. They had no need of girls who would go off and marry, taking their husband’s name as their own. He had been his parents’ second try, thankfully. Suga wouldn’t have been able to bear it if more of his unborn sisters had been thrown away just due to their gender. 

As he grew up, Suga had never been comforted or treated well by either parent. From his first week, Suga had grown up under the care of a babysitter, paid for by his parents. Her name had been Hana, and she had been a young woman in her twenties, without a college degree and in need of work. 

Hana had been Suga’s mother, in all but name. His own mother had little to do with him, and never spoke to him unless strictly necessary. (At least his father had had the decency to reply to Suga’s greetings as he got up in the morning or left for school.) When he felt afraid and lonely, Hana was there to wipe away his tears. Hana changed every dirty diaper, as she’d stayed with the family in the guest room, to care for Suga even throughout the night. So when he woke from nightmares, it was Hana he sought out for comfort, rather than his own parents sleeping in the master bedroom. 

But his parents had fired Hana when Suga was 6, deeming him old enough to care for himself. It had been a tearful goodbye, and Hana had left him with her phone number, so he could call her when he needed to. From then on, Suga was alone in his house, day after day, especially when his parents began taking business trips, often staying away from home for weeks at a time. They were successful prosecutors, and would take on cases from all over the country. And yet, nobody knew that the Sugawaras were parents to a son, which Suga was grateful for. It meant he didn’t have unwanted attention at school for having famous parents. Any child who inquired about his relation to the successful Sugawara law team was shut down by Suga, who firmly insisted that he knew of no such people. And he didn’t. Suga had never spoken more than a few words at a time to either parent. They’d never shown up to any of his festivals or ceremonies, having no regard for their only son. 

Hana had. He saw her standing in the back, during a few of the awards ceremonies he’d gotten awards in in elementary school. After the ceremony, she would give him a quick hug, remark on his growth, hand him a package of congratulatory chocolates, and would leave, pressing a kiss on his forehead. She could never stay long, as Suga’s parents had forbidden her from seeing Suga again. And as time went on, Hana stopped appearing at his ceremonies, having her own life to lead. But Suga appreciated that she’d come at all, as before high school, she’d been the only positive factor in his life. 

The only other aspect from his childhood that Suga remembered with fond memories was of volleyball. He’d begged his parents to let him join a junior volleyball team, and to his surprise, they had let him. As it turned out, Suga’s father had played volleyball in high school, and was willing to cover the costs of the volleyball team, on the condition that Suga succeeded. Grateful for the opportunity, Suga poured himself into the sport. The nights when he had practice were some of his happiest, as he was surrounded by people and not alone in the large, empty house. He grew as a player, and after working on his basic technique, found that he was happiest when playing as a setter. Slowly, volleyball awards began to adorn his bedroom alongside the ones from school, and Suga finally felt the faintest of pride from his father, when he walked into Suga’s room one night in junior high, and gazed around at his awards, before leaving the room quietly. 

When he’d gotten to high school, he’d been thrilled to make it into Karasuno, as they’d been a powerhouse school for volleyball in the past. But his hopes were quickly dashed when he saw the state of the team. He kept his head up though, and when Daichi encouraged him and Asahi to work harder, he did. When third year came around, and he was the team’s starting setter, Suga was proud. Proud enough to tell his father when he returned a month into term. And his father had been satisfied. That was all. But Suga had never been happier. He’d actually managed to gain a parent’s approval.

Of course, that had all changed when Suga’s mother and father showed up to the match against Aoba Johsai at the Interhigh Qualifiers. He would never forget the look on his father’s face when he realized that despite being named as the starting setter, he was the one subbed in for a different setter, and not the other way around. And when he found out that he’d been subbed in for a first year, Suga’s father had been enraged. 

Apparently, that was the last straw for Suga’s father. He’d managed to avoid going home for a few days, as both Asahi and Daichi had invited him over to their houses, having seen Suga’s father at the game. But after four days of sleeping at their houses, Suga felt as though he was burdening his friends. He reassured the two that he would be fine, and despite their protests, had headed home.

Thankfully, neither of his parents had been home when he’d arrived. But as soon as they’d stepped through the door and seen Suga, all hell had broken loose. Suga felt lucky to have even been able to flee the house, as his father’s rage had been overpowering and terrifying. If he had ever had any doubt as to his worthlessness and inferiority as a son, it had been blasted away by the events of that day. 

Suga sighed as he mulled over everything that had happened. It had been a painful life, a hard life, a meaningless life. What had he even managed to accomplish in his 18 pathetic years on the planet? 

Not much, it seemed. 

Well, no. That wasn’t completely true. Suga had accomplished one thing in his life, that he knew he was truly happy about. He’d found love. 

Daichi. Sawamura Daichi. His best friend, team captain, most trusted confidant, and _boyfriend_. Daichi was the shining light in his life, the one spark of joy that had made his life worth living. He and Asahi were the only people at school who were aware of his… less than ideal home life, and even then, only Daichi knew of the extensive neglect Suga’s parents had partaken in. (Asahi was simply aware that he had a troubled home life, and was kind enough to offer him a place to sleep when needed.) 

...he would miss Daichi. And Suga really hoped Daichi wouldn’t hate him for leaving him like this. He knew just how much Daichi worried- he knew how much Daichi seemed to care. Which baffled him. How could Daichi ever love someone so broken, so weak and worthless as himself? Suga didn’t even love himself, so how could someone as wonderful and strong as Daichi love him? 

Suga loved Daichi, though. He knew that for a fact. When they were together, the world seemed less harsh, more peaceful. When Daichi held his hand and smiled at him, Suga felt like he was melting. When Daichi gave him forehead kisses, and Suga was snuggled up in his arms, Suga felt _safe._ He felt wanted.

He felt _loved._

But when Daichi comforted him, a hurt look on his face, as Suga sobbed about his circumstances, Suga felt so _ashamed_ . All Suga ever seemed capable of doing was taking advantage of Daichi. _Daichi_ was always the one comforting him, loving him, caring for him. Suga never seemed to be able to reciprocate the favor, always just falling deeper and deeper into Daichi’s debt. 

Suga didn’t deserve to be with someone so caring and kind. He hoped that once he was gone, that Daichi would find someone better than him to lean on. Someone actually worthy of Daich, who wasn’t nearly as broken as he was. Someone, who could give Daichi the care and support he deserved, rather than one who only took and never gave back, like he did. 

Suga was silent as he gazed up at the sky, the ocean breeze gently blowing through his silver locks. His phone rang, twice, though Suga didn’t even glance at the caller ID as he chose to ignore it. A text message bleeped in as well, though when Suga grabbed his phone to check it, the phone died in his hands. Figures. Suga returned the phone to his pocket as he sighed, his eyes continuing to gaze up as he concentrated on watching the stars. There were so many lights above him, that Suga could see. Each one shone so brightly, so warmly, amidst the darkness of the night sky. 

Each one seemed… so _free._

When it reached 9 pm, and all was quiet around him, other than the sound of the waves, Suga made his move. He quietly opened each bottle and swallowed the entirety of the contents inside, making sure to ration out his water.

Suga stopped before he swallowed the final pill, holding it up in his palm. As he looked at the last capsule, Suga smiled, a relaxed smile. It would finally be over. He’d stop being a burden on everyone, and he’d finally be free. He would no longer be a disappointment, a failure, a useless son. He’d no longer be in pain.

With that thought, Suga swallowed it with the last of the water. He rose and collected the various bottles, and pushed them into a trash bin that was a bit of a ways down the beach. Once finished, he returned back to his spot, legs slightly wobbly, and settled back down onto his hoodie, waiting for the medication to take effect, silently watching the ocean waves rush in and flow back out in a constant, never ending cycle.

It took about 20 minutes for Suga to find himself feeling drowsy, his mind faintly foggy. When he raised one hand up to his face, he could see that it was trembling, and Suga was unable to force it to stop. 

It was time. 

Suga stood, and managed to shake the sand off of his hoodie, before slipping it back over his t-shirt. He wasn’t chilly, but the added comfort just made Suga feel all the more peaceful as he made his way down to the ocean. 

When he felt the waves hit his feet, Suga looked down and paused momentarily. He breathed deeply, taking in as much of the fresh ocean air as he could. The salty sea spray flew up at his face, making fond memories of days spent on the beach with Daichi filling his mind, and Suga smiled. He continued walking, the water reaching his ankles, then his knees, thighs, hips, and chest. By that point, Suga had to swim, and he continued out, slowly pulling himself along as the medication took effect. 

He was sleepy. So sleepy. He wanted to go to sleep. He flipped over onto his back and just floated, gazing up into the starry sky. Soon, he’d join them. 

Soon, he’d be free. 

With the last of his conscious thoughts, Suga felt himself slip beneath the waves. He felt calm. He was okay. He was just going to fall asleep. His vision grew dark as he gazed up through the water. Just before everything went black, he heard a muffled shout, but didn’t have time to process it as his mind went blissfully blank, and he slipped into the empty peace in the void.

\----

Daichi was sure this was all a bad dream. A terrible, awful nightmare that he was going to soon wake up from, crying and shaking, but relieved at the prospect that it was over. It had to be. He wouldn’t believe it was true.

But, as he sat in the emergency room of the brightly lit hospital, clothes sopping wet and doctors rushing around hurriedly as they tried to assess both his condition and Suga’s, Daichi knew that the hell he was experiencing was real.

“Sawamura-san? Can you hear me?” Daichi looked up blankly at a nurse’s face, who was holding out a towel to him. 

“Please, try to dry yourself off. Even if it is summer, your body temperature can still drop into dangerous levels if your body is wet.” Despite the young man’s insistence, Daichi found that he couldn’t quite move his body. He felt numb, uncertain… afraid. He was terrified. Terrified of the news that awaited him, regarding Suga’s condition. 

“Sawamura-san. Please.” When the towel was insistently pressed into his hands, Daichi mutely took it, and stared blankly at it sitting in his hands. He stayed that way, unmoving and silent until a doctor came into his vision, holding a clipboard in his hands.

“Sawamura Daichi? Can I ask if you’re injured anywhere?” Daichi slowly rose his head and gazed up at the doctor, face blank and devoid of any emotion. He opened his mouth, but all that came out was a choked noise. Daichi didn’t notice as the doctor scribbled something down on his chart as he buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking violently. Suga…Suga, why? 

“Sawamura-san? Is there anyone we can call for you? Your parents, perhaps? Or can you help us locate Sugawara-san’s parents?” Daichi’s head snapped up at those words.

“N-no. You can’t. Don’t call his parents. Please.” Daichi’s voice was hardly louder than a whisper, and the doctor standing in front of him had to strain to hear his voice. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked at Daichi.

“Can you tell us about the circumstances leading to the two of you ending up in the ocean, at this time of night?” Daichi nodded numbly.

“I was… I went out for a walk. There’s a beach near my house. I needed to clear my head so I walked. When I walked by the beach… I saw… I saw him… he walked into the ocean.” Daichi stopped speaking, and he felt his chest constrict as the fear in his heart spiked. When his breaths began to take on a panicked state, the doctor immediately put one hand on his shoulder, and spoke reassuringly to him.

“Hey. You’re alright. Breathe, Sawamura-san.” Daichi struggled to catch his breath, and clutched tightly to the sheets on the bed. It took several minutes for him to calm, during which the doctor spoke gently to him, encouraging him to breathe at a normal pace.

“There we go. Can you tell me how long it was until Sugawara was out of the ocean?” Daichi frowned, his memory hazy from his panic.

“I- I’m not sure. I don’t know. I just ran. I don’t know how long it took.” The doctor nodded, scribbling down a note.

“Okay. Thank you, Sawamura-san. We’re doing our best to help Sugawara-san, so please try not to worry. While we do, we do still need to take care of you. Can you tell me a name we can call? It doesn’t have to be either of your parents. Just someone, anyone, who can come support you and Sugawara-san.” Daichi swallowed before he answered, voice still rough. 

“T-takeda sensei.” The doctor nodded, scribbling down a note. 

“Okay, now which school does he work at?” 

“Kara-karasuno high school.” The doctor scribbled again before tearing off the scrap of paper and handing it to the nurse. She thanked him, and hurried away from Daichi’s bed, presumably going to find a way to contact him. The doctor then turned back to Daichi.

“Please, Sawamura-san. We need to get you dry and into different clothes. Are you in pain anywhere?” Daichi shook his head, and this time, when a new towel was pressed into his hands, as he’d dropped the last one when he’d started crying, Daichi slowly started wiping the water from his face and hair. The doctor patted his shoulder gently.

“We’ll locate you something to change into. And bring you a blanket. Dry yourself off, and a nurse will bring you a change of clothes soon.” The doctor patted his shoulder once more before he moved away, heading to another patient in the emergency room. Daichi mechanically wiped at his hair, desperate for anything to take his mind off of what was going on. Suga had to be alright. He just had to be. 

He had to be.

\----

“Sawamura-kun?” Daichi looked up, eyes full of pain and worry, though the anxiety in his body slightly lifted when he saw the volleyball club advisor standing in front of him. Daichi was dry now, and a nurse had brought him a basic patient’s outfit for him to wear, along with a blanket that was hanging loosely off his shoulders.

“Takeda-sensei.” Daichi’s voice broke as his eyes filled with tears again. Takeda immediately reached out and pulled the 18 year old into a hug, gently stroking his hair as he made soft shushing noises. 

“Oh Daichi... I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. Have you heard anything from the doctors yet?” Daichi nodded from Takeda’s chest, his tears staining the hoodie the short teacher wore. 

“Suga… He’s unconscious. They say it looks bad.” Takeda sighed as he pulled back, gently wiping a few tears from Daichi’s face. It was breaking his heart to see the normally strong teen so distraught. When he’d gone to bed that evening, Takeda hadn’t expected to wake up an hour later, with a nurse calling to tell him that two of his students were in the hospital, with one in dire condition. Takeda had been even more shocked when he was told that the two students were Sawamura Daichi and Sugawara Koushi, with the latter having been admitted to the ICU. 

“Daichi. Can you tell me what on earth this is about? What happened tonight?” Daichi cleared his throat and wiped at his face, before gesturing towards the chair next to his bed.

“I think you’ll want to sit down for this, sensei. It’s a long story.”

“Suga… He has a rough home life. Neither of his parents give one damn about him. He’s been alone since he was 6. They would leave him alone at his house for weeks at a time, going on business trips. But even when they were home, they wouldn’t speak to him, or even acknowledge his presence.” Takeda’s face grew grim as he listened.

“I knew how bad his home life was, from when I first met him in high school. He was… contradictory. He was incredibly friendly to everyone, and made sure to get to know all of our teammates and classmates- Suga is well liked. But any mention of his personal life and Suga clammed up. It took months before he finally told me what his home life was like, and even then, Suga only told me because I found out. He had a nightmare while we were at a training camp, and I managed to wake him up, but he was sobbing.” Daichi’s voice broke and he hurriedly wiped at his eyes again. Takeda reached out and put a hand on Daichi’s knee, trying to reassure the distraught teenager as best as he could.

“We’ve been dating since the end of our first year. I love Suga. I love him so much. And I’ve had him over at my house many times so that he wouldn’t have to be at home alone. And I know Suga wasn’t okay. He’s never been truly ‘okay’. Underneath all of that cheer and gentle love, Kou is a very broken person.” Takeda didn’t miss the way Daichi switched to Suga’s given name.

“I was naive. I hoped that we could just last through our last year, and then we could rent an apartment together, so Suga could finally get out of his house. But… last week, at the Interhigh… Suga’s parents came to the game against Aoba Johsai. His parents were never at any of his award ceremonies or games in the past, so it was completely unexpected. Suga told me that he told his father he was made starting setter this year. And apparently, Suga’s dad actually seemed pleased by this. But you know what happened at that game- Suga was subbed in for Kageyama, not the other way around.” Takeda nodded, though his face paled as he realized where this was going.

“Suga’s dad was furious. I could see it from the court. For the past four days, Suga has been staying at my house and Asahi’s, so he wouldn’t have to go home. But Suga insisted he’d go home tonight. I… I never should’ve let him. Or at the very least, I should’ve gone back with him.” Daichi stopped and pressed a hand to his face, trying to stop the tears from falling down. Takeda reached out again and pulled Daichi into a hug, ignoring his own tears that dripped down his face.

“I was so worried. I couldn’t stop worrying. So I went on a walk, along a beach that’s only half a mile from my house. When I looked down at the water, I saw him. I saw Koushi. He stood up, and he just walked into the ocean. I didn’t want to believe what I was seeing. But he just kept going in deeper and deeper. When I screamed at him, Suga didn’t respond.” Daichi’s voice broke as he spoke, clutching onto the back of Takeda’s shirt tightly. 

“I ran. I’ve never run so fast in my life. I managed to yell at someone on the shore to call 119, and I threw myself into the water. When I reached Koushi, he was already under the water. Even when I brought him back, and we were on the sand, he didn’t wake. He was so pale. The paramedics couldn’t even find a pulse at first. I just… Koushi can’t die. He can’t. I don’t know what I’d ever do without him. Takeda-sensei… what… what am I supposed to do?” Takeda couldn’t answer him, and he just stroked Daichi’s hair as the teenager’s voice trailed off and his tears fell, feeling his own heart break apart. 

Once Daichi’s tears had subsided, which had taken over twenty minutes, Takeda slowly pulled away from him, rubbing at his own eyes as he gently put a hand on Daichi’s shoulder. Daichi’s body slumped, exhaustion from the day’s events hitting him in full. The two were silent, though the sounds of the still busy emergency room surrounded them. 

“Daichi?” Daichi raised his head, his weary eyes gazing up at Takeda’s face.

“I’m going to call Coach Ukai. And the rest of the volleyball team. I think it would be best to have their support. Just… just in case. And I’d like for you to contact your parents. From what you’ve said, I’ll hold off from contacting Sugawara’s parents for now. I will have to contact them eventually, but not right now.” Daichi just nodded, unable to bring himself to protest.

“Can you call Coach and Asahi first?” Takeda nodded, already pulling out his phone.  
  
“Sure. I’ll be right back.” Takeda lightly patted Daichi’s shoulder before he walked away, heading to a nearby hallway so he could call everyone. Daichi just slumped back down, putting his head in his hands. 

He didn’t know what to think anymore. He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel. Was he sad? Worried? Upset? ...angry? No. He wasn’t angry. He could never be angry at Suga. But… was he disappointed? … he couldn’t say that he wasn’t. 

He loved Suga, with every fiber of his being. Had he not been enough for Suga to want to keep fighting? Had he not been supportive enough? Was Suga still too afraid to confide in him? Had Daichi… failed him? 

Daichi let out a sigh as he crossed his legs on the hospital bed. He hoped he could see Suga soon. He needed to tell him just how much he loved him. And he needed to tell Suga how sorry he was, for failing him. 

Suga… Koushi… Kou. Please… please be okay. 

…

Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This story takes two paths from here. You can read either chapter, or both, depending on the ending you desire. Chapter 2 details everyone’s reactions to Suga’s passing. Chapter 3 is about what happens when Daichi helps Suga find a different sort of “freedom”.  
> (I personally recommend reading chapter 2, then 3)
> 
> Also, please, if you or someone you know is facing these types of thoughts, please reach out and seek help. Talk to someone, anyone at all, and find support.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT (9/20/2020): I went back and edited this chapter, because I realized just how rough and choppy some of the sentences were. The chapter as a whole should flow a little better now. Turns out, 4 months can make for a lot of writing improvement ^^

“Dai?” Daichi’s head snapped up and he met Asahi’s concerned gaze.

“Asahi…” At his voice, Asahi quickly sat down next to Daichi on the bed, giving him a quick side hug. Behind him stood Coach Ukai, whose face was grim as he patted Daichi on the shoulder.

“Hey, Daichi. I picked up Asahi on my way here. As for everyone else, I understand that Tanaka’s sister is going to pick up Nishinoya, Ennoshita, and Kiyoko. Kageyama, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima are going to be driven here by Yamaugchi’s parents. And Hinata will be dropped off by his mom- though he may be a little later than everyone else as he lives further away.” Daichi nodded, feeling a little better now that he knew the rest of his volleyball family was on their way.

“How’s Sugawara? Any updates?” Daichi shook his head, looking at Takeda for help.

“The… the doctors have identified that he was probably… trying to take his own life.” At these words, Asahi gasped, his face growing rapidly pale as Ukai stared at Takeda, eyes wide in shock.

“Apparently, Suga’s heart rate and blood pressure are incredibly low, and they had to intubate him to help him breathe- he’s unconscious at the moment. And he was under the water for at least several minutes, meaning his brain was probably oxygen deprived for at least a short time. The doctors said they had pumped his stomach, and found he’d ingested a large quantity of pills. How much of it his system absorbed and how much of it they managed to remove are huge factors in whether… whether Sugawara will make it out of this or not.” Asahi gave a low moan and hid his face in his hands, while Ukai clenched his fists and took several deep breaths.

“Do… do we know why he… why he decided to take these actions?” Takeda looked at Daichi, who just shrugged and looked back at the ground. He knew that Suga hadn’t wanted for more people to find out, but with the circumstances the way they were, everyone was going to find out eventually. 

“Daichi has informed me that Koushi’s home life is… less than ideal. Far less than ideal. May I speak with you in private?” Ukai nodded and followed Takeda into the same quiet hallway Takeda had used to call him in. Meanwhile, Asahi took his head out of his hands and looked at Daichi with a blank look on his face.

“Dai… Kou… Did Kou really…?” Daichi didn’t respond, which was all Asahi needed in order to have his worst fears confirmed. Asahi blinked back at the tears that appeared in his eyes furiously, knowing that he needed to stay strong, for Daichi’s sake.

“Did… did you know he was going to?” Daichi shook his head emphatically.

“I… would’ve stopped him if I knew. I didn’t even know he was even thinking about this. I went out to walk, because I was worried. I called him twice, and texted him, but he didn’t answer. I couldn’t sleep, I was so worried, so I went walking along the beach. And… I saw him. He just… he just went into the water and I couldn’t stop him.” Daichi’s voice broke as tears spilled over again. When Asahi wrapped his long arms around him, Daichi leaned into the hug, needing the comfort from his other best friend as he cried. He didn’t know how he still had the tears to cry, but no matter how much he did, the pain he felt just wouldn’t go away. 

Daichi’s fingers tightened around the folds of Asahi’s jacket in an uncharacteristic show of distress, and the normally timid third year held him tightly, his arms strong and firm around Daichi’s shoulders. The two were silent, other than Daichi’s sniffles and Asahi’s soft sighs as the rest of the emergency room bustled outside of their tiny bubble. When Ukai and Takeda returned, the former also reached out and pulled Daichi into a hug, wrapping his arms around both third years. 

“I’m so sorry, Sawamu- Daichi. I’m so sorry. We’re all here for you, though. We’re all here.” Daichi gave a small nod, feeling so incredibly young, but oddly comforted as he cried in his coach’s arms. Once Ukai pulled away, Takeda handed them all tissues from a box nearby, and all three wiped their eyes quietly, blowing their noses and discarding them in a trash can. 

“Are we allowed to see him?” Takeda shook his head, and Asahi’s face dropped disappointedly.

“He’s in critical condition, and the doctors are monitoring him in the ICU right now. If… if the situation changes, we’ll be allowed in… to say…” Takeda couldn’t finish his sentence, but everyone knew what Takeda couldn’t bring himself to say. They all fell silent again, unable to meet one another’s gaze for fear of breaking down again. When a doctor pulled back the curtain, all four of them jumped as the cacophony of noise around them suddenly grew louder. Despite the late hour (it was nearly 11 pm), the emergency room of this hospital was still full of people, as it was the largest hospital in the Miyagi Prefecture. 

“Excuse me?” The doctor who’d treated Daichi earlier had returned, his eyebrows no less furrowed than they had been before. 

“Yes?” Takeda cleared his throat as he answered, his voice a touch choked. The other three gazed up at the doctor, the slightly hopeful looks on Asahi and Daichi’s faces disappearing as the doctor spoke. 

“I can discharge Sawamura-san, as he had no injuries other than exposure to cold. Is there anyone bringing him a spare set of clothes?” Takeda looked at Ukai, who nodded, also clearing his throat as he spoke.

“I- ah. Azumane, you brought a change of clothes for Sawamura, right?” Asahi nodded.

“They’re… they’re still in the car. Backpack in the back seat.” At Daichi’s slightly confused look, Takeda explained.

“I asked Asahi to bring some clothes for you. He’s the closest in size to you, right?” Daichi nodded, feeling grateful for his ever astute teacher. 

“Yeah… thanks, ‘sahi.” Asahi shrugged.   
  
“No problem.” Ukai straightened, from where he’d been leaning against Daichi’s bed as he spoke up.

“I’ll go grab the backpack. Takeda, can you handle the discharge paperwork?” Takeda nodded and Ukai hurried off, grabbing his car keys from his pocket as he quickly made his way out of the emergency room. The doctor then turned to Takeda, who nodded again and followed him towards the nurse’s station. They returned a few minutes later, along with Ukai, and the doctor pulled the curtains around Daichi’s bed so he could change. 

“Once you finish, I’ll lead you all to the waiting room. It’s probably more comfortable in there than it is here.” Daichi heard the doctor walk away and he quickly changed into the t-shirt and sweats that Asahi had brought for him. They were a tad big on him, as Asahi was taller than he was, but they were sufficient. Daichi then folded up the hospital clothes he’d borrowed and left them neatly on the bed, before opening the curtains again.

“All set?” Daichi nodded, and handed the backpack to Asahi, who slipped it onto his back. The doctor, seeing that he’d finished changing, waved at them. The four of them followed the doctor down several hallways into a large room filled with chairs. It was mostly empty, as visiting time had long since ended at the hospital, which they were relieved to find. Both Daichi and Asahi sank immediately into one of the larger couches, while Ukai settled down on an armchair and Takeda sat down in an armchair next to Ukai.

“Well, I’ll leave you all to it, then. If you have any questions, then the assistants at the front desk can help you. One of Sugawara-san’s doctors will update you when there’s news.” They all nodded and the doctor left to return to the emergency room. Once the doors closed behind him, the room fell silent again, each person absorbed in their own thoughts as they waited. A few people came into the waiting room, and sat down, while others were called in, either to see patients or to be seen by doctors. After about 20 minutes, Tanaka, Nishinoya, Ennoshita, and Kiyoko came rushing into the waiting room, along with Tanaka’s older sister. Once she spotted the group, she murmured something into Tanaka’s ear, gave him a quick hug, and then left, calling out a goodbye to everyone. Ennoshita had gone directly to Takeda, and the two started speaking in low voices, soon joined by Tanaka, and they quietly discussed Suga’s condition. Meanwhile, Nishinoya hurried over to Asahi and immediately clambered onto the 3rd year’s lap, cuddling into him. Asahi just wrapped his arms around the small 2nd year, hugging him tightly, taking comfort from his boyfriend’s presence. 

Daichi didn’t notice Kiyoko had sat down next to him, until she reached out and took one of his hands in her own. Daichi started, before he looked up at her, eyes full of pain, and Kiyoko immediately pulled him into a hug. Dachi couldn’t bring himself to lift his arms to return the hug, but he allowed her to comfort him, feeling some of his pain fade as she held him in her arms. Since Kiyoko wasn’t the most vocal or expressive person, it meant a lot to him that she had reached out first. The hug didn’t last very long, but it had helped Daichi recompose himself, and he took a deep breath as she pulled away.

“...thank you.” Kiyoko simply nodded, taking his hand again.

“How’s Suga?” Daichi sighed and shrugged, shaking his head despondently.

“No news. He’s in the ICU. He… he tried to take his life, Shi. How didn’t we notice?” Kiyoko’s grip on Daichi’s hand tightened momentarily, when Daichi spoke, and her face changed from its ever neutral state to a grim look. 

“Don’t blame yourself, Dai. Suga… you know how Koushi is. He’s too stubborn, for his own good. He probably assumed he was helping, by taking himself away without getting us involved. You know how determined he gets when he sets his mind to something.” Daichi nodded, a little begrudgingly. He did know. He probably knew better than anyone else, seeing as Suga was his boyfriend. It didn’t mean he liked it though. Definitely not. 

The arrival of the first years broke Daichi from his thoughts, and Daichi could only blink in surprise before Hinata had thrown himself onto the captain, quiet sobs escaping him. 

“C-captain? Is… is Suga-san going to be okay? Please tell me he’ll be okay. He has to be okay.” Daichi tried, and failed to answer, his voice sticking in his throat, and he looked at Kiyoko desperately. Seeing what he needed, the third year gently plucked Hinata off of Daichi, before settling the upset first year in her lap. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. We have to wait and see, Hinata-kun. Don’t cry. Suga wouldn’t want you to cry.” Daichi threw her a thankful look as she comforted Hinata, rubbing one hand up and down his back soothingly. He spotted Kageyama looking uncertain and slightly afraid, and waved him over. As he waited for Kageyama to reach him, he spotted Tsukishima and Yamaguchi joining Ennoshita and Tanaka’s conversation with Takeda, the five of them falling into quiet conversation. Yamaguchi leaned into Tsukishima’s side, and Tsukishima instinctively wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. 

“Kageyama. You alright?” The normally stoic first year’s face fell as he shook his head, his dark blue eyes soberly gazing down at him. 

“No. But… are you okay, Captain? It’s Suga-san.” Daichi found himself mildly surprised by Kageyama’s thoughtfulness, and he managed to give the raven haired setter a small smile.

“I’m better now, since everyone is here. Thank you for coming, Kageyama.” Kageyama nodded quietly, before he glanced over at Hinata and Kiyoko.

“Shimizu-san? Do you want me to take him?” She nodded and released her arms from around Hinata, letting the orange haired teen reach up for the setter. Kageyama stepped closer and lifted Hinata into his arms easily, the small orange headed boy cuddling into Kageyama’s chest. Kageyama just nodded his thanks at Kiyoko as he walked away, and the two third years exchanged tiny, knowing smiles as they listened to Kageyama gently scold Hinata while Hinata replied, his voice full of tears. 

“Boke. You shouldn’t go running off like that.” 

“But… I’m worried about Suga-san.” 

“Me too. But don’t bother the third years like that. I’m here.” 

“I know.” Daichi watched the two sit down on a couch, Hinata curling up on Kageyama’s lap. Daichi sighed and leaned back into the couch, seeking out Kiyoko’s hand again. Kiyoko, seeing what he wanted, took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Grateful for the comfort, Daichi shot her another thankful look, which she responded to with a small, reassuring smile. The two fell quiet as they waited, holding on to each other’s hands like lifelines.

On the other side of the couch, Nishinoya quietly wiped away Asahi’s tears as he tried to comfort the 3rd year. 

“God… I texted him. I texted him just a few hours ago. And I didn’t even realize anything was amiss. What kind of friend am I? I should’ve called him, or checked up on him better, or-” Nishinoya stopped Asahi’s desperate whispers by placing a small kiss on the third year’s lips. He gently placed one hand on Asahi’s wet cheek, and looked directly into his eyes firmly.

“Stop it. You’re just making yourself worked up. You couldn’t have known. Even Daichi-san didn’t know. Stop blaming yourself. Suga wouldn’t want that. Daichi-san wouldn’t want that either. Let’s just… let’s just try to be strong. For Daichi-san. You’re his other best friend. If… if Suga-san doesn’t… if he…” Nishinoya’s voice broke, but he cleared his throat and continued whispering, as tears began to fall down his face.

“If he doesn’t make it, he’s going to need you by his side. I’ll be by yours, and you need to be by Daichi-san’s. Okay? So stop blaming yourself. Please.” Asahi nodded and pulled Nishinoya back down into a hug, both needing the comfort of knowing the other was safe. A light pressure on his hand had Asahi look over to see Kiyoko putting her free hand on his. Asahi tried to speak, but his voice caught in his throat, making him choke slightly. Kiyoko simply nodded, understanding what Asahi couldn’t say. 

The wait was long. Hinata and Kageyama fell asleep, Hinata cuddling into Kageyama as they slept. (Takeda managed to get a picture of them, the scene being too cute to resist) Likewise, Nishinoya fell asleep on Asahi, who didn’t complain, as Nishinoya’s steady presence was reassuring, and the small second year was light enough for Asahi to still be comfortable. Ennoshita had settled down on an armchair, his legs tucked in as he sat quietly, deep in his own thoughts. Tanaka leaned against Ennoshita’s chair, his eyes closed though he wasn’t asleep. Tsukishima sat on a couch, with Yamaguchi’s head resting on his lap. Neither were asleep, though Yamaguchi’s face was drowsy, his eyes half closed as Tsukishima absentmindedly stroked his hair. Ukai clearly had had enough of sitting, and instead paced quietly, walking back and forth between the chairs. Takeda disappeared for a short while, soon returning with an armful of water bottles, juice containers, and milk boxes from a nearby vending machine. Everyone who was still awake took a drink, grateful to have something to occupy them as they waited. 

When a doctor finally appeared and approached their group around 2 am, everyone’s attention snapped to him, all sleepiness dissipating like embers in the wind. Both Daichi and Takeda sprung up from their seats, while Ukai returned to the group, everyone paying close attention as the doctor began to speak.

“Excuse me, are you… the family..? Of Sugawara Koushi?” Takeda nodded.

“We’re his volleyball team. The closest thing to family that he’s got.” Everyone else nodded their agreement emphatically.

“May I ask where his parents or relatives are? I’m not supposed to divulge patient information except to direct family members.” At these words, Daichi let out a small growl, and crossed his arms irritably.

“Sir, with all due respect, Koushi’s parents are two of the most awful people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. They give no fucks about their son. I’m his boyfriend, and the closest thing Koushi has ever experienced to family are the people here, who’ve been sitting here for hours. Please. Please just tell us how he is.” The doctor blinked, clearly taken aback by Daichi’s words. Kiyoko reached up and grabbed Daichi’s arm, and when he looked back at her, firmly shook her head at him. Daichi sighed and allowed Kiyoko to pull him back down to sit on the couch as Takeda stepped forward, gently placing a hand on Daichi’s shoulder while giving him a look that told him “let me handle this”. Kageyama, Hinata, and Nishinoya were all awake now, having woken when Daichi had spoken to the doctor, and gazed at Daichi through concerned eyes.

“I’m very sorry. We’re all a little overstressed and anxious over the circumstances. If you could, would you please tell us about Sugawara’s condition? We’re all very worried about him.” The doctor nodded, tucking his clipboard under one arm as he began speaking again.

“Sugawara’s condition is… Sugawara has ingested a large quantity of pills. Just these alone wouldn’t have caused as much damage, as they were all of the typical, low dosage, over the counter type. But he definitely spent several minutes underneath the water. He was oxygen deprived for what we believe to be at least four minutes.” There were a series of gasps around the room as the doctor spoke, and Daichi felt himself tensing, his anxiety skyrocketing with each word the doctor spoke. Kiyoko gently began rubbing his back, trying to calm him down, though her own worry continued to rise.

“What does this mean?” The doctor gave a soft sigh, and he looked at Takeda, his eyebrows furrowed deeply as he broke his eye contact with the worried looking teacher. 

“It means… that we don’t expect Sugawara-san to last the night.” Every person froze and stared at the doctor through wide eyes, each face a turbulent mixture of horror, disbelief, and distress. As soon as Takeda could move, he immediately turned to Daichi, who was staring at the doctor, an indescribably pain filled and heartbroken look on his face.

“Daichi-” 

“I need to see him. Please.” The tears that had pooled in his eyes and desperation in Daichi’s voice made each person’s heart break, and the doctor quietly nodded, motioning for him to stand again. 

“Come with me, I’ll show you to his room.” Daichi stood, and looked up desperately at Takeda, who, understanding what Daichi needed, wrapped one arm around the terrified teen and walked with him as they began following the doctor. 

“I’ll return soon. I think it may be best… if you all started preparing to say your goodbyes.” The doctor walked away, leading Daichi and Takeda to the elevator as Hinata burst into tears. The distraught middle blocker buried his face back into Kageyama’s chest, who tried, and failed, to calm his boyfriend down as he frantically also wiped at his own tears. Yamaguchi sobbed into Tsukishima’s side, who instinctively pulled the freckled teen into a tight hug as a few tears slid down his cheeks. 

Ukai buried his face in his hands as he gave out a low groan, while Tanaka glared daggers at a wall, his fists clenched tightly as he cried. Ennoshita froze, his mind going blank as his mind refused to process what the doctor had told them. Asahi cried quietly, the tall teen biting his lip harshly as he desperately tried to stem his tears while hugging Nishinoya, who silently stared down at the floor, feeling numb and distant. Kiyoko remained silent, her downcast face turning upset as she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.

Suga… Suga’s going to die?

\----

“Before we go in there, I’d like to warn you. It’s not a pretty sight. If it becomes too much, you’re welcome to step out immediately.” Both Daichi and Takeda nodded numbly, and the doctor carefully slid open the door to Suga’s ICU room. 

“One last thing. Speak to him. Many patients who’ve recovered from comas report being able to hear people speak around them. Talk to him. It may… it may be your only chance to say goodbye.” The doctor then stepped aside and allowed Daichi and Takeda to enter the room.

“Oh Koushi…” Daichi hardly heard Takeda’s emotional whisper as he walked over to Suga’s side, sitting down in the chair beside the bed. He was pale, with multiple tubes connected to his various points across his body. If it weren’t for the heart monitor beeping at his side, and the slight rise and fall of Suga’s chest, Daichi wouldn’t have believed that Suga was still alive. Daichi slowly reached out and took Suga’s limp hand in his own, which was clammy and lifeless. Tears pricked his eyes as he gripped it tightly, silently begging Suga to squeeze back, to squeeze with the same bright smile and feeling of warmth and love as he had in the past. But the hand stayed motionless, and Daichi’s tears quietly fell.

“Kou. It’s me. It’s Daichi. I’m here. I’m here, love,” Daichi whispered as he looked at Suga’s closed eyes, wishing he could see his brilliant hazel gaze once again. Daichi bit his lip as he looked at Suga desperately, and when a gentle hand landed on his shoulder, Daichi started, before he looked up to see Takeda’s tear filled eyes gazing down at Suga.

“Hi, Koushi-kun. It’s Takeda-sensei. I just hope you know how much we all love you. You were always a brilliant volleyball player, such a hard worker, and such an encouragement to the team. I was honored to have you as my student. Take care, Koushi-kun. Everyone else will be here soon.” Takeda’s voice faltered as he reached out and squeezed Suga’s other hand. 

“Are you okay with each person coming in to say goodbye? You can stay by his side.” Daichi nodded, not taking his gaze off of Suga. Daichi heard Takeda step back out, and converse quietly with the doctor. Soon, he heard the two of them walk away, presumably to collect the other team members. 

“Kou… I love you. I love you so much. I will always love you. God, Koushi. I don’t know what you were thinking, when you decided to do this. I wish… I wish I could’ve been there for you. I love you, Kou. I love you. I love you.” Daichi trailed off as he brought Suga’s hand up to his lips, and pressed a soft kiss against the back of the hand, grimacing at how clammy Suga’s skin was against his lips. Daichi sat in silence, imploringly watching Suga’s chest rise and fall, until he heard the door sliding open again, and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi both stepped in. 

  
Yamaguchi hurried over to Suga’s side, and grasped his hand, like Takeda had done, tears still falling down his face. Tsukishima joined Yamaguchi, and simply stood there, quietly gazing down at the 3rd year.

“Thank you, Suga-san. Thank you for always helping me with my technique. Thank you for always encouraging me, and cheering me on when I went to serve. Thank you for looking out for me, and being such a good senpai. I love you, Suga-san. I’ll miss you a lot.” Tsukishima reached out and hugged Yamaguchi, as his tears fell faster with each word he choked out. The blonde teen took a deep breath, exhaling in a soft sigh before he spoke, his voice softer and gentler than Daichi had ever heard it before.

“...thanks, Suga-san. For helping me get past my pride and helping me to get better. Thanks for encouraging me. I’ll… I’ll miss you.” With a small nod at Daichi, Tsukishima picked up Yamaguchi and walked out of Suga’s room, the sound of Yamuguchi’s sobs fading as they walked away from the room. 

The door slid open again, and Hinata and Kageyama stepped into the room, sliding the door closed carefully behind them. The shorter teen immediately hurried over to Daichi, who wrapped an arm around the small middle blocker, and Kageyama stood at the foot of Suga’s bed. The room was quiet other than the beeping of Suga’s monitors for several minutes, as they all gazed at Suga.

“Suga-san. I love you, Suga-san. You helped me, from the beginning, and you were always so kind. You even helped me prepare for that match, and kept our morning practices a secret from Daichi-san.” At this, Daichi peered down at Hinata, a curious look on his face, to which he shrugged sheepishly, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

“Tanaka-san and Suga-san helped Kageyama and me train before the 3 on 3 match. He kept it a secret from you to help us. I’ll always be grateful for it, since otherwise, Kageyama and I might’ve not made it on the team.” Daichi nodded, hugging Hinata a little closer to his side. 

“You’ve always looked out for me, and you’ve been the best senpai I could have ever had. I’m going to miss you, so much, Suga-san. Thank you for everything.” As Hinata finished speaking, Daichi quietly stroked his hair, finding comfort in Hinata’s fluffy hair, which Suga had regularly liked to play with. He understood why Suga had always ruffled Hinata’s hair now. There was a moment’s silence, before Kageyama spoke, the teen’s deeper voice filling the room.

“Suga-san. You told me that since I was here, that you felt more confident. You told me you were glad I was here. It was… It was such a relief. Especially after what happened in middle school. Thank you, so much. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for having my back, when I felt unsure. Thank you for being a kouhai that I could actually look up to.” Kageyama wiped away a tear that slipped down his face as he gazed down at Suga’s still form. Hinata then stood and slid out from Daichi’s embrace, before pressing a small kiss to Suga’s cheek. Daichi felt his eyes well up again as he watched Hinata.

“Thank you, Mom. For everything. Love you.” Hinata walked over to Kageyama, and nuzzled into his arms, who let him snuggle close. Kageyama then plucked him up, much like Tsukishima had done for Yamaguchi, and looked at Daichi.

“We’ll send in the next pair then. Thank you too, Daichi-san.” Daichi nodded and watched the two leave. 

“They’ve both grown up so much, in such a short time. You’d be so proud, Kou. You were such a good role model.” Daichi pressed a kiss to Suga’s cheek, in the same place Hinata had. He really hoped that Suga knew how much his kouhai had appreciated him.

“Daichi-san? Oh…” Daichi looked over to the door and saw Ennoshita and Tanaka, the latter in a flood of tears. He nodded at them, and they both went to the empty side of Suga’s bed, looking down at their senpai with downcast gazes.

“Hi, Suga-san. I never really got to tell you how much of a good senpai you were. You didn’t judge me when I tucked my tail and ran away last year. You just welcomed me back, as if I’d never left at all. I just hope that someday, I’ll manage to be half as good of a senpai as you were. Thank you so much for everything.” Ennoshita reached out and gave Suga’s hand a quick squeeze, before he stepped back to let Tanaka say his goodbye, giving him a pat on the shoulder to comfort him. As Tanaka stepped forward, Ennoshita furtively wiped at his eyes, knowing that if the wing spiker saw him crying, it would only make Tanaka’s sobs worse.

“Suga *hic* - san. I’m so *hic* sorry for being such a *hic* pain. If I could go back, I would treat you so much better. I wouldn’t have caused you so much trouble.” Tanaka rubbed at his eyes roughly, sobs causing the flow of his words to break.

“Thank you so much for being such a *hic* good senpai. I’ll miss you forever. I’m so sorry, Suga-san.” Seeing Tanaka’s distress, Ennoshita wiped at his eyes again and waved to Takeda, who quickly entered and helped Ennoshita usher Tanaka out of the room, so that the distraught teen could sit down in a different room. Ennoshita gently squeezed Daichi’s shoulder as they left, who nodded his thanks. After the three left, Ukai stepped into the room and put one hand on Suga’s shoulder, a deep sigh escaping him.

“Sugawara. No, Koushi. I can’t even begin to apologize for not being able to help you with your situation. If I had known, I would’ve never let you stay in such an environment. I truly wish you could’ve come to either me or Takeda for help. I can’t say I agree with, or even begin to understand your decision. But what I can say, is that I damn well loved you. I’ve only known you for a few months, but you and the other Karasuno boys wormed your ways into my heart. You especially, with your stubborn determination and overall just intelligence and brilliance when it came to volleyball. Even when I made Kageyama the main setter for games, you didn’t fight me on my decision. You understood, and you accepted it. But you never gave up. You, Koushi, are someone I have, and always will, admire…. I hope you find peace, Koushi-kun.” 

Ukai wiped at his face, and after giving Daichi’s shoulder a quick squeeze, quietly left the room. Almost immediately, the door slid open again and Kiyoko slipped into the room. Her normally neutral face was full of upset, which surprised Daichi as she immediately walked over to Suga and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

“Koushi. You know how I am with words- I’ll keep this brief. You were such a great friend. I’ve always admired you, for being able to work so hard, and I admired just how dedicated you could be. I’m so grateful Daichi brought me to be the manager, and that I got to meet both you and Asahi. And... I’m sorry, Suga, but you’re such an idiot!” Daichi’s head snapped up as he stared at Kiyoko incredulously, having never heard her raise her voice before.

“We loved you. We all loved you so much. I won’t ever be able to understand why you chose this way to rid yourself of the pain. But… I hope you’re at peace. I’m glad I knew you. And I’m so sorry, Kou. I’m so sorry I could never help.” Tears spilled down Kiyoko’s face, and Daichi immediately stood, going around Suga’s bed to pull her into a tight hug. Kiyoko cried quietly, her body trembling violently in Daichi’s arms. Daichi simply stroked her hair, gently comforting her as she sobbed openly. 

Soon, Kiyoko’s tears stemmed and she flushed as she pulled away from Daichi, rubbing at her eyes. He glanced at her, and she responded to his silent inquiry with a small nod. After taking another deep breath to compose herself, Kiyoko leaned back over and pressed another kiss to Suga’s cheek, before she headed out of the room.

“Goodbye, Kou. I’ll miss you.” And she was gone. Daichi returned to his chair by Suga’s bed, taking Suga’s right hand in his own hand again. 

“If you were awake, I’m sure you’d be dying right now. Kiyoko kissed you. And I know you’re my boyfriend, but I wouldn’t say I wasn’t a little jealous. Just Asahi and Noya now. We’re almost done, Kou. Stay with us a little longer, okay? I love you.” The door slid open, and the two final members of the volleyball team walked in. Nishinoya was silent, an uncommon occurrence for the normally energetic teen, and he immediately walked over to Suga’s side, kneeling down by the bed. Asahi’s face was red and puffy, probably from all the crying he’d done. The exhausted teen made his way to Daichi’s side, who pulled him into a side hug.

“God. He looks awful.” Daichi simply nodded as Asahi’s eyebrows furrowed deeply and he visibly became more upset. Suga’s color had only worsened over time, and his breathing had gotten so shallow that it was hardly noticeable anymore. Asahi reached out, and hesitated, before he gently brushed a few wisps of Suga’s silver hair out of his face. The room was silent for a few more moments, before Nishinoya spoke up quietly.

“I hate this. I hate this, Suga-san. I hate that I have to say goodbye to you. You… you were always this constant in my life. If I needed advice, you were there. If I needed encouragement, you were there. When I was afraid, you were there. And now, you won’t be. I don’t… I don’t know if I’m ready to do this all without you.’ Nishinoya’s voice broke as tears spilled over, and he clenched the sheets on Suga’s bed tightly.

“I love you, Suga-san. You were the best senpai I could’ve ever asked for. Even better than Daichi-san and Asahi.” The two simply nodded in agreement with his statement. It was true, after all.

“...I’ll miss you. So much. I hope you’re happy, in whatever afterlife you go to. Goodbye, Suga-san.” Nishinoya’s voice was the softest Daichi and Asahi had ever heard it, and Asahi immediately stood to go comfort him. Nishinoya pulled away from Asahi’s hug though, and instead gestured towards Suga, wiping away at his tears.

“Say your goodbye. I’ll wait for you outside.” Nishinoya hurried out the door before Asahi could protest. Asahi sighed deeply as he looked down at Suga through upset eyes, voice catching as he began to speak.

“Kou. You, me, Daichi, we were supposed to go to Nationals together. And I guess now, we won’t. I wish you’d get up right now, and hit me in the ribs, yelling at me to think more positively. But, you can’t. And you won’t ever remind me to be a better person again.” Asahi took a deep breath before he continued.

“While you won’t remind me again, I can remember all of your words. Your voice has been spinning inside of my head since I found out you were in the hospital. I can remember to believe in myself, to not let others’ opinions of me get me down. I can remember your encouragement, your smile, your laughter. I can remember it all. And I’m blessed to even have these memories of you to cherish. I love you, Kou. I’ll miss you. I’ll make sure to keep an eye on our kouhai, and have them grow up properly. And thanks. Thanks for everything.” Asahi trailed off, blinking back tears as he smiled down at Suga, not wanting his last memories of him to be filled with crying. Daichi stood and pulled Asahi in for another side hug, and the two 3rd years remained still, gazing down silently at Suga, their trio now forever broken down to two. 

The two only pulled apart when the doctor from before slid open the door and came into the room, an apologetic look on his face as he bowed slightly. Asahi patted Daichi’s back, and left, telling him he’d send in Takeda-sensei. Daichi settled back down on the chair, as the doctor checked Suga’s vitals and glanced over at the weary teen.

“He’ll be gone soon. Do you want to stay with him, until the end?” Daichi nodded, grim determination on his face. 

“I’m going to stay.” The doctor turned off Suga’s monitor, and waited along with Daichi, only the near silent sound of Suga’s breathing filling the room. Takeda quietly slipped into the room a few minutes later, and stood behind Daichi, placing his hands on the teen’s shoulders. Slowly, slowly, Suga’s breaths became shallower, and shallower, until his chest finally stopped rising. Daichi looked up at the doctor, who pressed his fingers against Suga’s neck, and nodded.

“Time of death, 3:48 AM.” Daichi pressed Koushi’s hand to his cheek, which was still warm, and he gave it one last kiss, tears pouring down his face.

“I love you, Kou. Goodbye.”

Daichi sobbed in Takeda’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: That’s it for this ending. Ukai and Takeda spoke to the principal about seeking legal action against Suga’s parents, but there just wasn’t sufficient evidence to bring them to court- especially since they were well known prosecutors. (I go into detail about the potential court case in chapter 3, for those interested) Suga was cremated and his ashes were scattered out at sea, so he could truly be “free”. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. If you need a happier ending, I recommend you check out chapter 3 :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT (10/14/2020): I edited this chapter as well, to help improve flow/sentence structure.

Suga let out a small groan, as he slowly slipped back into consciousness. His entire being ached, and his throat felt scratchy and drier than sandpaper. He was so sore, even more so than the most intense day of conditioning from the last training camp, which was saying something. Why on earth was he so achy?

He felt incredibly tired too, almost ready to just let the soothing bliss of sleep overtake him again. But his survival instinct, honed by years of living with short tempered parents, fought him, and forced him to stay awake to assess his surroundings. 

There was a soft beeping coming from one side, and he could feel smooth sheets underneath him. So he was on a bed, lying down, Suga surmised. The sharp scent of antiseptic filled his nose as he breathed in slowly, leading him to the fact that he was probably in a hospital room, presumably in a patient’s room. 

Wait, a patient’s room? The memories returned in a rush, and Suga forced his eyes open, blinking blearily as he took in the rather plain walls and army of machines that surrounded him. So he was safe. Clearly, someone had found him, and called an ambulance, prolonging his pathetic life. Suga couldn’t help but give a soft sigh as he gazed up at the ceiling. Wonderful. The one task he’d truly done his best to accomplish, and he’d still failed- how much more pathetic could he get?

A small intake of breath and shifting to Suga’s right had him turn quickly, the monitor beeping his momentary increase in heart rate as he gasped, startled. A person was asleep on a chair next to his bed. No, not a person. It was Daichi. 

Suga could feel his heart drop to his stomach when he realized Daichi was asleep next to him. 

Why was Daichi here? Did he know? No… Daichi probably didn’t know what Suga had done to himself. If he did, surely Daichi wouldn’t be here next to him- he’d be so disgusted and disappointed in Suga that he wouldn’t ever want to even look at him again. 

Feeling slightly reassured, Suga tentatively reached out one hand, though his arm felt like it was made of lead, and gently put it on Daichi’s head, stroking his soft hair. Daichi shifted slightly in his sleep, though he merely nuzzled into Suga’s hand and didn’t wake. A small smile wormed its way onto Suga’s face as he slowly began weaving his fingers through Daichi’s hair- he was adorable when he slept.

The door slid open and a male doctor stepped through, closing it softly behind him as Suga’s head snapped up.

“Sugawara-san? I see you’re awake. Welcome back to the land of the living.” Suga nodded, though he pressed a shaky finger to his lips as he nodded towards Daichi. The doctor nodded and stepped over to Suga’s other side, lowering his voice considerately.

“How do you feel? Any pain?” Suga shrugged, then winced.

“I’m achy all over and exhausted.” Suga’s voice was hoarse and it strained him to speak. He tried to clear his throat, only to cough and wince as the motion caused a fresh wave of pain to erupt from his stomach.

“My throat is scratchy and dry as hell. It’s super sore.” Suga pulled a face as he lightly pressed one hand to his stomach. The doctor simply threw Suga a wan smile as he glanced up at Suga’s vitals.

“It would be. We had to pump your stomach so your throat is likely sore from the tube that we had to put down it, as well as the tube from your intubation to help you breathe when you first came in.” Suga’s eyes widened marginally in surprise at the doctor’s words. So he had gotten pretty close. 

“As for feeling achy, you were oxygen deprived for a few minutes, so parts of your body didn’t receive sufficient oxygen. Your body is doing its best to recover, and you’ll need a lot of rest in the coming weeks. And Sugawara-san,” the doctor gave Suga a pointed look, which made the silver haired teen squirm slightly, “it’s hospital policy to refer all people who attempt to harm themselves to our psychiatric team before we discharge you. We have to receive their okay before we can allow you to leave.” Suga nodded, not really having expected anything different. The doctor’s face softened as he gave Suga a more genuine smile.

“On a lighter note, since you’ve awoken, I believe we can move you out of the ICU, and into a normal patient’s room. You’ve been responding well to the treatments and we were able to take you off your ventilator yesterday. You’re healing well, Sugawara-san. For now, please just focus on getting yourself better, and don’t push yourself too far. Your boyfriend there has been here since day one, and he’s hardly left your side since. You have a keeper there.” A light blush appeared on Suga’s face, though he frowned worriedly.

“Since day one? How long have I been here?”

“It’s the 7th day. So it’s been a week.” Suga’s mouth fell open in surprise.

“A week?” Suga croaked out, stunned. The doctor nodded. 

“Your condition was rather critical when you came in. It was rather touch and go for a while. But, all that is in the past. Please, focus on healing. That’s all we can ask for. I have some other patients to see too, so I’ll leave you two alone. Then,” The doctor smiled and bowed slightly before he left, closing the door softly so as to not wake Daichi. 

Suga gave another soft sigh and continued stroking Daichi’s hair. The room was quiet for a few minutes as Suga absentmindedly stroked Daichi’s hair, pondering over what the doctor had revealed. 

Clearly, the doctors had figured out that he’d tried to take his life. That much was obvious. And they’d been successful in preventing him from dying. Which Suga found himself more than a little disappointed by- it would have been so much easier to have just ended his life in the ocean. At least then, he wouldn’t have to face everyone again, as cowardly as he knew that it was. 

Because Suga was scared. He was completely, and utterly terrified. He didn’t know what he would do once Daichi woke, hence his request for the doctor to stay quiet and allow Daichi to continue to sleep. 

And his parents. God, he didn’t even want to think about how his parents would react. He knew that they would be furious for almost taking away their chance to pass down the Sugawara name. And Suga knew that they would do everything in their power to ensure that his attempt wouldn’t be traced back to their name, in order to protect their own images- to protect their status as successful prosecutors, without a stain or a blemish to their name.

Suga really hoped the hospital hadn’t contacted them, though he knew that this chance was rather slim. It was normal practice after all, to contact the family when someone ended up in the hospital. 

Even if this “family” was anything but.

A small moan under Suga’s hand made Suga flinch, and he quickly withdrew his hand as Daichi sleepily raised his head, blinking unfocused eyes as he tried to wake himself up. Once his eyes and mind had cleared, Daichi blinked, looking rather stunned at the sight in front of him.

“.....Kou?” And as nervous and tense Suga was, he couldn’t help the small smile that etched his way onto his face as he peered down at Daichi.

“..Hey.” A brilliant smile lit up Daichi’s face and Suga found Daichi’s lips pressed to his own as a small sob escaped from Daichi. He melted against them, feeling the warmth and love explode from Daichi, despite his own turbulent thoughts. Too soon, Daichi pulled away and cupped Suga’s face with his right hand, taking one of Suga’s hands in his left as a few tears made their way down his cheeks.

“Kou. Oh my god, Kou. You’re awake. You’re awake. Thank you. Thank you for coming back to me.” Suga just nuzzled into Daichi’s hand, relishing the touch. Daichi eventually pulled away, and wiped at his face, still smiling brightly as he gazed down at Suga. 

“Oh, Kou. You scared us all so much. Me, the volleyball team, Takeda-sensei and Coach Ukai, my parents, god we were so scared. Thank you for coming back.” A frown appeared on Suga’s face, his confusion evident. 

“Scared?” Daichi nodded, his face growing somber.

“Koushi. I don’t know what happened that evening, to make you want to… to make you…. for you to try to end your life, but I just want to say, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t go back with you. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, like I promised I would.” Suga froze and tensed up, looking at Daichi in abject fear. 

Daichi knew. He knew! And from the sounds of it, everyone else seemed to know as well. Everyone was probably so disappointed and disgusted by him. How could Suga ever face his anyone ever again?!

Suga’s breaths started to escalate as he lost his grip on Daichi’s hand. His vision blurred and his mind became foggy, making it so that he could hardly hear Daichi speaking to him, trying to soothe him and calm him down. Suga’s mind whirled as his fear and worst nightmare took over, and he choked, gasping for the air he couldn’t bring into his lungs. 

Beside him, his monitor blared out a warning, as his heart rate and blood pressure skyrocketed. Two nurses sprinted into the room, and seeing Suga’s panic, immediately hurried to his bedside to help him. One quickly readjusted the oxygen flow to the tube in his nose, increasing it, while the other quickly raised up Suga’s bed to put him in a half sitting position, at Daichi’s firm command. 

Suga gasped for air as tears pooled in his eyes, his entire being feeling like it was falling to pieces as he fell headfirst into a dark abyss of terror. Suddenly, a voice broke through the void, washing over him like cool rain over a parched desert.

“Shhh. Breathe, Kou. Follow my voice. You’ll be okay. In….. out…… in……. out……” 

Suga could just barely hear Daichi’s voice, and when he felt himself wrapped in Daichi’s strong arms, he clutched desperately at them. When a gentle hand pulled his chin up, Suga violently flinched away, but the hand was persistent, and Suga was forced to meet Daichi’s worried eyes. Suga froze again, but this time, out of surprise.

Daichi… he wasn’t angry? 

No…

Daichi’s face held confusion, worry, concern, a touch of fear, but… there was no anger. There was no disgust, no sign that Daichi was about to leave him. Unconsciously, Suga found his breathing slowing down, his heart rate settling at a normal pace as he stared up into Daichi’s brown eyes, his gaze steadying Suga’s fragile soul and helping to reground himself.

“Can you hear me, Kou?” Suga blinked, and finally realized that he was still tightly gripping the back of Daichi’s shirt. He quickly let go and made to pull away, only to have Daichi hold him closer to him, burying Suga’s face against his chest. Suga’s shoulders relaxed as he breathed in Daichi’s familiar scent, and he allowed himself to snuggle up against Daichi.

“...Sorry.” Suga’s voice came out muffled from being pressed against Daichi’s soft shirt, though Daichi shook his head, still having understood the setter. 

“Don’t be. Are you okay?” Suga nodded against Daichi’s chest, closing his eyes as his body slowly lost all of its tension. Suga faintly recognized the two nurses if there was anything the two needed, which Daichi denied, politely thanking them for helping out. He heard the door open and close before Daichi gently let him go, helping Suga lay back down on the bed. Suga almost whimpered as Daichi’s soothing presence pulled away from him, as he hadn’t felt so safe in who knew how long. But Suga bit his tongue and instead looked up at Daichi, who was still looking at him concernedly, and his voice came softly as he peered down at Suga.

“What made you panic? This attack was worse than others I’ve seen.” Suga looked down at the bed, feeling embarrassed. A touch on his hand had Suga look back up at Daichi, whose face was full of concern and worry. 

“It’s me, Kou. It’s me. You can tell me. I love you.” Suga’s eyes suddenly filling with tears caught both teens off guard, and Suga frantically wiped at them, trying to stop himself from crying. Daichi quietly took Suga’s hands in his own, stopping his frantic movements, and gave Suga an imploring gaze, almost begging for Suga to let him in. The worried look on Daichi’s face finally overcame Suga’s reluctance, and Suga whispered, a whimper evident in his voice.

“You… you don’t hate me?” Daichi’s eyebrows furrowed, and he looked at Suga incredulously.

“No. No, of course not. How could I hate you? Why would I hate you? I love you.” More tears fell from Suga’s eyes as he fumbled through his words in his frantic babbling.

“I thought… I thought you would hate me. Despise me. Loathe me. I thought you would be so disgusted by what I’d done that you’d never want to see me again. I thought that you and the team and everyone would be so disappointed in me that I would lose you all and I would never see you again and-” Daichi cut Suga off by pressing his lips to Suga’s, effectively shutting the emotional 3rd year up. Suga let out a tiny whimper as Daichi pulled away a few moments later, nuzzling into Daichi’s hand when the dark haired third year cupped Suga’s cheek again.

“Never. Never think that. I could never stop loving you, no matter what you do.” A tear dropped down Daichi’s cheek, which made Suga burst into full sobs. Daichi slipped onto the bed beside Suga, and careful not to entangle Suga’s IV and oxygen tubes, took him into his lap, cuddling him close. Suga just cried harder, all of his pent up emotions and fears pouring out of him as he sobbed in Daichi’s arms. 

“It’s going to be okay, Kou. I’m here. I’ll always be here. And nobody hates you. Far from it.” Daichi’s voice enveloped Suga like a warm hug, giving the distraught setter the push he needed to let go. And Suga sobbed, deep, heart-wrenching sobs as Daichi simply held him close, letting Suga cry until he’d exhausted himself. 

Once Suga’s sobs had tapered off, leaving the silver haired setter sniffling softly, Daichi gently wiped Suga’s eyes and face with a tissue from Suga’s bedside table, before pressing a kiss to Suga’s forehead. Suga settled himself back onto Daichi’s chest, nuzzling close as Daichi pressed another kiss to Suga’s cheek. The two sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Daichi spoke up softly.

“You know, I had to convince Asahi and Shimizu to go home, because they both wanted to stay here with me. Tanaka, Ennoshita, and Noya were worried out of their minds for you. Yamaguchi and Hinata both text me every hour to see if there’s an update on your condition. Kageyama has visited every day, and brought cards from the team. There’s even a gift from Tsukishima here, that he insisted I give you once you woke up.” Daichi reached over to the bedside table and handed Suga a soft plush in the shape of a dinosaur, which Suga hadn’t noticed up until this point. Suga blinked, looking at the cuddly figure in Daichi’s hands a tad confusedly.

“A dinosaur?” Daichi nodded and chuckled.

“Seems he’s been fond of them since he was younger. He said this was one he’s had since he was a 3rd year in elementary. He apparently figured that since it brought him comfort, that, and I quote, ‘Suga-san will feel much better once he gives Dino-chan a hug.” Suga looked at the plush thoughtfully, noting it was a perfect size for hugging, before wrapping his arms around it and giving it a squeeze. A tiny smile appeared on Suga’s face as he hugged it tighter.

“...Tsukishima was right.” Daichi laughed then, and hugged both Suga and the dinosaur tightly.

“I’m glad. I’ll make sure to tell him…. In front of the entire team.” A slightly horrified look crossed Suga’s face and he glared up at Daichi accusingly, in what he knew the team affectionately called his “angry mom face”. 

“Don’t you dare. Don’t embarrass me and my dinosaur loving baby like that.” Daichi fondly nuzzled Suga, making the setter sigh as he let the matter go, before Daichi pulled Suga back down onto his chest. A yawn escaped Suga as he snuggled close, simultaneously resting his head on Daichi’s shoulder and hugging the plush to his chest. He felt his eyes grow heavy, his body and mind finally relaxed and free from the tension and fear that had been present since he’d awoken. Daichi quietly stroked Suga’s hair as the silver haired setter’s breathing deepened, smiling gently down at his boyfriend as he drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

“Hai, hai, kaa-san.” 

\----

“Okay. Are you sure you want to proceed? It’s not going to be an easy journey, or even a remotely short one.” Suga took a deep breath, and grasped at Daichi’s hand underneath the table before he nodded.

“I’m sure.” The attorney nodded and closed the file in front of her.

“Alright then. I’ll contact you again in a few days, once I finish this paperwork and notify your parents about the accusation. Thank you for coming today, Sugawara-san, Sawamura-san. Your teachers were very persistent in seeking justice on your behalf. After reading their letter and meeting you today, I’ve become committed to your case, and I promise you, I’ll do everything in my power to help you on this journey.” Suga and Daichi both stood, the latter helping Suga stand, as he was still somewhat weak, and bowed to the woman.

“Thank you as well, Nakamura-san. It was nice to meet you.” Prosecutor Nakamura nodded and smiled as she stood, walking over to the door of her office to let them out.

“It was nice to meet you two as well. Take care, and I’ll be in touch.” Suga and Daichi both smiled and left the office. The two were quiet as they walked down the hall and pushed the main door open, breathing in the fresh air and feeling the warmth of the summer sun. It was two weeks after Suga had first woken up in the hospital, three weeks since Suga had gotten kicked out of his home and attempted to end his life, and Suga found himself thinking back to the events of the past few weeks. 

-

Suga had been discharged from the hospital a week before, having spent a week in the hospital after he’d woken up, and Daichi’s parents had insisted that he stay with them, firmly stating that Suga was like their son, and that they wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Besides,” Daichi’s mother had said, a small grin on her face, “you’re probably going to be my son-in-law in the near future anyways, so you’re practically family!” This had made both Daichi and Suga blush bright red, with Daichi spluttering as Suga hid his face in his hands. 

Summer vacation had begun, which was a relief to Suga, as it meant he didn’t have to worry about schoolwork. He had missed final exams while in the hospital, but after speaking to the principal and his teachers, he’d gotten special permission to take them when school returned in the fall. Suga had always been an excellent student, and he had no missing assignments or bad test scores to his name, which made his teachers happy to allow a few accommodations, especially after hearing about his situation. 

The volleyball team had taken a break from practicing while Suga had been unconscious, but after he’d awoken, Suga had insisted that they continue on practicing, as the Spring Interhigh Qualifiers were quickly approaching. He himself wasn’t allowed yet to participate, as he was still in recovery from his ordeal, but once discharged from hospital, he dutifully went along to each practice and observed each player, offering wisdom and tips to help each member improve as he stretched and slowly began building his strength back up. 

The first time the team had come to visit him after he’d awoken had been nerve racking for Suga, despite Daichi’s insistence that nobody had any grudge or negative feelings towards their vice-captain. The team had decided to split up by year, just to make it easier on Suga, as he was still exhausted. And to Suga’s relief, not a single member of the team had shown any sign of disappointment or negativity towards Suga, instead displaying their utter relief and joy that their vice captain was okay. 

Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei had come by immediately after Daichi had let them know that Suga had awoken. Suga had been mildly shocked when Takeda had embraced him tightly, while Ukai had brushed tears out of his eyes when the two had rushed into Suga’s room.

“Never ever scare us like that again, okay?” In his surprise, Suga had just nodded, returning the hug while giving Daichi a confused look. Daichi had just smiled and shrugged in response.

“I told you that everyone was worried. We love you, Kou.” Once Takeda had let Suga go, the four had had a serious conversation regarding Suga’s circumstances. They had transferred Suga’s guardianship from his parents to Takeda, with permission from the principal. The guardianship would be temporary, as Suga was 18 and would be graduating in the spring. In addition, Takeda and Ukai had agreed to locate a lawyer for Suga, so that he could finally confront his parents. They had found him Prosecutor Nakamura, and assured him that they would stand behind Suga, whether he decided to seek justice against Suga’s parents or not, as they understood it was a big undertaking and a difficult decision to make. 

After nearly an hour of discussion, Takeda and Ukai had left the two teenagers to rest, both offering hugs and promises to visit again soon. 

Kiyoko and Asahi had been next, visiting in the evening of the same day, and Suga had spent much of it reassuring Asahi that he was okay, much to Daichi’s amusement. And when Kiyoko had hugged Suga tightly, and pressed a kiss to his forehead, Suga had blushed brightly, which made Daichi and Asahi both laugh.

The second years’ visit had also gone well the next day, though Tanaka and Nishinoya had both been in tears, with Ennoshita doing his best to stop them from crying all over Suga. Suga had just smiled and ruffled all three of their heads, his heart feeling warm and light, as he reassured them that he was healing, and would be up and scolding them all again soon. 

The first years’ visit had Suga nervous again, despite Daichi’s assurance that none of the four had any disappointment in their senpai. But the anxiety had quickly faded when Hinata had rushed into the room and knelt next to Suga’s bed, his words of relief unclear through his sobs. Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and Kageyama had come into the room at a more sedate pace, though Yamaguchi was also in tears and had hurried to Suga’s other side as soon as he was through the door.

“Hey, Dai. Would you?” Daichi had looked at Suga questioningly, who just nodded at Hinata. Understanding, Daichi reached down and plucked Hinata up, placing him on the bed next to Suga. Suga immediately wrapped his arms around the tiny teen, who snuggled into Suga’s arms, tears still pouring down his face.

“Shhh. I’m alright, Shoyo. Don’t cry.” Hinata just looked up with wide, tear filled eyes at Suga as he whispered.

“Please don’t ever leave us, Suga-san. I didn’t know what I was going to do if you were gone. We need you, mom.” Hinata’s words made Suga blush bright red and he just pulled Hinata into another tight hug, stroking his fluffy hair. Yamaguchi’s slightly wistful look had Suga reach out an arm to the pinch server, and Yamaguchi was soon cuddled up in Suga’s arms too. Daichi, Tsukishima, and Kageyama all had small smiles on their faces, though Tsukishima tried to hide his. 

“I’m glad you’re alright, Suga-san.” Suga smiled up at Kageyama, who was rubbing the back of his head as he spoke. 

“...me too.” Suga waved the two tall first years over, and when they were standing next to him, reached up and ruffled both of their heads. Both of their cheeks were flushed when Suga let them go, which made Daichi grin. 

“Thank you, all. You’re all such amazing kouhai. Thank you.” Slowly, Hinata’s tears had stopped, and he was left with tear tracks on his face, which Suga gently wiped at using a tissue Daichi handed him. The six of them had fallen into contented chatter for about 20 minutes, at which point, Suga and Hinata both fell asleep on the bed (Suga, as he was exhausted from his ordeal, and Hinata due to Suga’s comforting presence and his exhaustion from crying). When the other four had noticed that they were asleep, they decided it was a good time to leave Suga to rest. Yamaguchi carefully extracted himself from Suga’s arms, so as to not wake them, while Daichi snapped a picture, making a mental note to have it printed for Suga. Then, Kageyama had carefully plucked Hinata off of Suga, and settled him in his arms. The three first years quietly said their goodbyes, and promised to visit again, with Daichi waving them off. 

-

Suga noticed Daichi looking at him, a mildly curious look on his face and Suga just smiled, shrugging as they continued walking up the street to the bus stop.

“Just thinking about everything that’s been happening. I’m glad everyone reacted well.” Daichi nodded, a soft hum sounding from his mouth as he reached out and grabbed Suga’s hand. 

“Yeah. Come on, let’s go home. I think Mom’s making you her mapo tofu tonight. Extra spicy, just for you, she said.” Suga smiled.

“Home. Yeah, okay. Let’s go home.”

\----

“You okay, Kou?” Suga just shrugged, looking unsure. 

“Can we take the long way back today?” Daichi nodded and held out his hand, which Suga gratefully grasped onto. Suga had just come out of a therapy session, and his emotions were confused and a tad raw. Suga had had several sessions already, as attending therapy had been a condition of being released from the hospital, and it had helped Suga. But Suga (and Daichi) had found out that the process of healing wasn’t linear, and there were days that Suga left therapy, silent and brooding. As the weeks had gone on, the two had found that walking the half hour home, instead of the 10 minute bus ride, often helped Suga sort through his emotions, especially after a rough session. 

“So what’s on your mind?” Suga sighed, as the Daichi broke the silence a few minutes into their walk. He knew that he didn’t have to answer, that a simple “Not right now” would cause Daichi to let him think in peace, but Suga knew that this issue was one he needed Daichi’s input on.

“Did I make the right choice to charge my parents?” Suga looked up at Daichi, his eyebrows knitted together and an uncertain look on his face. Daichi didn’t respond for a few moments.

“I don’t think there’s a right or a wrong in this, Kou.” Suga sighed and leaned against Daichi as they walked.

“I know that. I just… I can’t tell whether it was a good idea to go through with all of this. As awful as they might have been as parents, they were good at being prosecutors. Their reputations will be ruined after this. They have clients who are relying on them. And… I don’t know if I can go through it all either.” Daichi stopped walking, which made Suga stop as well. 

“Kou, those clients can always find another prosecutor to take on their case. What matters to me, what’s important to me, is you finding closure. If sending your parents to jail as punishment for what they’ve done to you is what brings you that closure, then that’s what I’m going to support. If you decide that that isn’t what you want, and all you want to do is leave them behind and forget they ever existed, then that’s what I’ll help you do. No matter what you choose though, I’ll always be right by your side. Okay?” Suga nodded, looking more at ease, and Daichi wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 

“Love you, Dai.” A smile stretched across Daichi’s face and he leaned down to press a kiss against the top of Suga’s head.

“Love you too. Come on, let’s go.”

\----

“Please see documents D and E. These are transcripts from two interviews that we conducted. One is from a woman who was paid to be Koushi-san’s caretaker from birth to age six, named Saito Hana. She no longer lives in Japan, but Saito-san was able to fly out to meet with us a month prior, when we conducted her interview.” Prosecutor Nakamura’s voice rang out in the courtroom, making chills run down Suga’s spine as he silently watched her address the judge and court.

“We’ve already received confirmation from both of the Sugawaras that she was indeed hired for a period of 6 years, starting from two days after Koushi’s birth. She has recounted, in detail, the treatment and attitude of both parents. She clearly states that neither parent raised a finger to help with Koushi’s care at the time, and that when Koushi first learned to speak, he referred to her, not his own mother, but her, as ‘kaa-san’.” There was murmuring from the large audience in the back of the courtroom. The public had been stunned when the widely popular and successful Sugawara Prosecutor Team had been charged with child neglect and abuse, especially since they’d never announced that they had had a child. So the courtroom was full this day of curious members of the public, as well as the Karasuno Volleyball team, all of whom had come to support Suga. 

“It took her several months to reteach Koushi, as the Sugawara couple were already taking on cases in different towns, leaving their only son in her care for weeks at a time. Once she was dismissed, when Koushi was 6, yes, 6,” Nakamura-san confirmed, as the judge raised her eyebrows in mild shock, “she was forbidden from contacting him again. However, out of her deep concern for the child that she’d raised as her own, Saito-san attended several of Koushi’s ceremonies, and never once saw either parent present. There are other details listed in the full report regarding the verbal degradation and abject dismissal of Koushi’s presence that Saito-san noticed while caring for Koushi in the document as well- they’re highlighted.” There was a rustling of papers as the members of the jury flipped the pages of the report, soft murmurs sounding as they conversed with each other. 

At the prosecutor’s table sat Suga, Takeda, and Prosecutor Nakamura. Daichi hadn’t been allowed to sit with Suga, but at Nakamura’s insistence, Suga had been allowed to have Takeda with him, considering he was still a high school student. On the other side of the courtroom were Suga’s mother and father, neither of whom Suga had seen since the incident five months prior. If Suga was honest, he just wanted the trial to be over with. It was early December, and in just a few short weeks, the Karasuno Volleyball team would be heading off to Tokyo for the Spring Interhigh National Tournament. Suga had received the okay to resume volleyball practice two months before, and he’d trained hard to catch back up with his teammates; Suga just wanted to go back to playing volleyball with his family. 

“From Saito-san’s observations, the picture makes itself clear: Sugawara Koushi was a clear victim of abuse and neglect by the hands of the two people who were supposed to love him the most.” A ripple of shock coursed through the room at Nakamura-san’s blunt statement and loud whispers erupting from the public gallery. As the judge rapped her gavel to regain order, Suga sank down slightly in his seat, cheeks burning as he felt a multitude of eyes on his back. He’d known that there would be a lot of scrutiny and judgement from the public, but knowing it and experiencing it were definitely two different things. 

Takeda gently took Suga’s hand in his own, giving it a soft squeeze as the judge regained quiet in the courtroom. He threw the worried teacher a thankful look, before turning back to Nakamura-san, who had continued on presenting her evidence to the court.

“The other interview conducted was with a local pharmacy owner, Usui Hiroto, who lived just a few blocks from the Sugawara residence. He’s been the owner since before the Sugawaras came into the home, a year prior to Koushi’s birth. Usui-san is unfortunately in the hospital, due to complications with arthritis and the atrophy of his leg muscles, and is unable to be here as a witness today.” Suga felt a pang of sympathy for the kindly old man, and made a mental note to go visit him once the trial was over. 

“So instead, we conducted the interview in his hospital room a week ago. In his interview, he clearly states that he was surprised to see a six year old child walk into the store alone, and when he questioned the child, found out that Koushi was the son of the couple that had moved in. He’s met Koushi’s parents over the years, as his pharmacy is the closest one to their home, but he states that ‘he never would’ve guessed that they had a child’.” Another wave of murmurs rose in the room, though they were quickly silenced as the sound of the judge’s gavel rang out through the room

“After his initial encounter, Usui-san, never saw the Sugawara couple again, and only Koushi appeared in his shop to ‘purchase medication for his mom and dad’. His concerns grew over the years, and though he tried to get the local police to conduct a welfare check on the Sugawara home, nothing ever came of their investigations.” More murmuring filled the courtroom as the judge decided to leave the case and resume the next day. As the court was dismissed, Suga found himself emotional after hearing the contents of the interview- he’d never known just how much the elderly man had looked out for him, and the fact that he’d been so concerned for him made a warmth grow in his heart. Takeda, noticing Suga’s fragile state, offered him a gentle side hug as he helped the teen stand up, before leading him out of the courtroom for the day.

The trial continued for the next two days, with both sides presenting evidence and calling various witnesses. Suga’s parents mostly brought out work associates and other high profile acquaintances, while Nakamura-san questioned Daichi, Daichi’s mother and father, Takeda, Ukai, and Asahi. Daichi spoke extensively of each detail Suga had shared with him, along with the many times he’d sheltered Suga at his house. Daichi’s parents and Asahi all corroborated the many instances that Suga had taken refuge in their homes. 

Takeda spoke of the little hints he’d received while acting as Suga’s volleyball advisor, and the incident back in July, while Ukai spoke of seeing Suga’s parents at the game against Aoba Johsai. On the final day, Suga gave his own testimony. It took everything in Suga’s power not to break down in tears as he told the courtroom about every instance his parents had ignored him and belittled him for not doing better. Suga gazed directly into Daichi’s concerned eyes as he talked about the weeks he would spend alone at home, not ever knowing when his parents would return. And taking a deep breath, Suga spoke of his suicide attempt, explaining in great detail the verbal lashing that his father and mother had inflicted upon him before kicking him out of their home. Tears rolled down Suga’s face as he told the court about his feelings of needing to be free, and the way he’d tried to gain freedom from his parents. 

Suga found himself rather grateful that Nakamura-san was adept at her job, as she immediately requested to allow Suga a break, as he was quickly becoming less and less able to stifle his sobs. Thankfully, the judge agreed and ordered a recess, which allowed Suga to be comforted by Takeda and Daichi, who both assured him that he’d done a great job. When the short recess was called to an end, Tsukishima suddenly appeared and pushed Dino-chan into Suga’s hands before quickly walking away, much to Suga’s surprise. 

“Tsukishima was holding onto him for me, just in case you needed a friend. Take him.” And so Suga returned to the prosecution, holding the soft dinosaur in his arms. He received a few disapproving glares from his parents, which he ignored, instead choosing to hug the dinosaur tighter. When the judge questioned the appearance of the plush, Nakamura-san simply replied that it was for Suga’s wellbeing, mentioning Suga’s age and the difficulty of the situation. Thankfully, the judge understood, and allowed Suga to continue holding the dinosaur as he made his way up to the stand once again. When he was up there, he caught a slight blush from Tsukishima’s face, which pulled a small smile onto his face. 

The cross examination from Suga’s parents’ lawyer was brutal, and Suga found his shaking hands tightly gripping the plush on more than one occasion, as he desperately tried to control his emotions. Several times Nakamura-san had to stand up for him, firmly chastising the other lawyer when he’d gone too far in his questioning. 

When it was finally over, Suga all but ran off the stand, trembling as he sat down next to Takeda, who gently soothed the teen and comforted him. With Suga’s cross examination over, the trial would now come to a close, with the judge meeting with the jury members to make a final decision on Suga’s parents. 

The 30 minute wait while the judge and jury discussed were the longest 30 minutes of Suga’s life. The courtroom was filled with quiet talk when the court reconvened, before the judge’s gavel silenced the room.

“The court has come to a decision. Jury, if you may?” A man stood up and cleared his throat.

“We, the jury, find Sugawara Tatsuo and Sugawara Leiko guilty of all charges placed against them.” There was a ripple of shock and whispers filled the room as Suga felt his shoulders fall and a sigh escape him. He numbly nodded when Takeda asked him worriedly if he was alright, and hugged Dino-chan to his chest as the judge then took over, pounding his gavel to regain order.

If looks could kill, both of Suga’s parents would definitely have died on the spot. The look on the judge’s face as he expressed his utter disappointment towards the two prosecutors was enough to make a grown man cower in shame. Suga just listened in disbelief as the judge sentenced both of his parents to 15 years in jail, before dismissing the court. The room exploded in sound as the audience members buzzed about the case and the fate of the two well known prosecutors. A gentle touch on his shoulder had Suga gaze up at Takeda dazedly, and when prompted, Suga just obediently followed Takeda and Nakamura out a side door into a small room where they found Daichi and Ukai waiting. 

Daichi wasted no time and immediately pulled Suga into a hug, holding him tightly as Suga melted into his arms. 

“Are you alright, Kou?” 

“This is real? It’s over?” Daichi nodded.

“It’s over, Sugawara-san. I’m very glad that this all worked out in your favor.” Suga turned to Nakamura-san, who was smiling at him gently.

“Thank you so much, Nakamura-san.” The prosecutor just nodded and patted his shoulder.

“Of course. It’s been a pleasure, Koushi. I hope this all helps you find the closure you need. And don’t worry, I’ll handle the press outside. Then, excuse me.” With one final smile, she exited the room, closing the door behind her to give the group some privacy as she hurried out to meet the crowd of reporters in front of the courthouse. 

“You did really well up there, Koushi. I’m very proud of you.” Suga looked over to Takeda and Ukai, both of whom had smiles on their faces, the latter reaching out to ruffle Suga’s hair.

“Are you okay to go? The volleyball team is waiting for you outside. Kiyoko made a reservation at a nearby restaurant for all of us.” Suga nodded at Takeda.

“Yeah. Just… can you give me and Daichi a minute alone?” 

“Of course. Take all the time that you need. We’ll be outside the courthouse, waiting for you.” Both teachers quickly left, leaving Daichi and Suga alone in the room together. Suga just sighed and buried his face in Daichi’s chest as Daichi gently rubbed Suga’s back.

“You did it, Kou. You did it.” Suga didn’t respond, though he snuggled closer to Daichi when Daichi pressed a kiss to his forehead, squeezing Suga in his arms. 

“It doesn’t feel real. I don’t think it’s sunk in yet. And you’re squishing Dino-chan.” A small chuckle escaped Daichi as he let Suga go, and he gently patted Dino-chan’s head.

“Sorry, Dino-chan. Thank you for keeping Koushi company up there when I couldn’t.” A tiny smile appeared on Suga’s face.

“Tsukishima’s face was cute to look at, when he saw me holding Dino-chan up there on the stand.” Daichi laughed.

“I know. He was so red I thought he was coming down with something.” Daichi reached out and took Suga’s hand, lifting it up to press a kiss against the back of it.

“Ready to go? We should probably rescue Takeda and Ukai from Hinata and Noya- the two are probably jumping off the walls in excitement.” Suga nodded, his smile growing larger as they walked out of the room and down the hall towards the main doors. The sun was bright and a cold wind blew through the door when Daichi opened it. Suga shivered slightly, as it was early December, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust.

“Suga-san!” Suga hardly had time before his arms were full of a very excited Hinata, who had run and jumped at him. Suga staggered slightly as he caught him, though he quickly resituated himself and hugged Hinata close.

“Hi, Sho.” The rest of the volleyball team soon followed, and Suga had to quickly put Hinata down so that he could catch Noya as well. Asahi was crying, with Ennoshita patting the ace’s back, an amused look on his face. Tanaka was yelling, which Hinata joined in, though both went silent when Daichi glared at them both. 

“Okay. OKAY! Come on, everyone. Let’s go eat.” At Ukai’s shout, everyone began making their way down the street, Noya having wriggled out of Suga’s arms to instead leap onto Asahi, making the tall 3rd year give him a piggyback ride. Seeing this, Hinata also jumped onto Kageyama, who just made a small “tsk” in response, though he didn’t protest. The rest of the team just continued on walking, Daichi taking Suga’s hand in his own again. 

“Look! It’s snowing!” Suga looked up at Hinata’s shout. Big, fluffy snowflakes were slowly drifting down to the earth, sticking to the surfaces they fell on. 

“Oi, boke! Get back here!” Suga turned to see that Hinata had hopped off of Kageyama’s back, and was running around, trying to catch a snowflake on his tongue. Tanaka joined him, and Noya made a move to get off Asahi, only to whine when Asahi tightened his grip on the libero, stopping him from following his teammates. 

The sight of Ennoshita firmly smacking Tanaka in his ribs, along with Kageyama grabbing Hinata and carrying him like a toddler finally broke through Suga, and he laughed. The entire team stopped and watched Suga as he laughed harder, tears pricking at his eyes as he doubled over. 

“Kou? You okay?” Suga nodded, pressing one hand to his mouth to cover his wide grin.

“I’m okay. I’m okay. I just… I’m so happy. Thank you, everyone. Because of you all…. I’m finally free.”

(Dino-chan says thank you for reading!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And that’s it for this ending! The court case was kind of difficult, since I’m not well versed in legal stuff, but I based it around what I’ve learned and from a juvenile court case I was a jury member on (I was a jury member for a real court case involving a teen who had committed petty theft). 
> 
> If you’ve read all three chapters, thank you for doing so! This is the end of this AU, and I hope you’ve enjoyed it! A lot of the stuff in this story is based on my own experiences, so this sort of topic is near and dear to my heart. 
> 
> Again, if you or anyone you know faces these types of thoughts/troubles, please reach out and seek help.


End file.
